Why do bad things happen?

seand

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I’m gonna try not to sound like I’m crying too much but no promises.

My grandmother told me about 25 years ago that everything in life you learn, you will learn the hard way. How I wish this wasn’t true but it’s never even been close to wrong.

I’ve met lots of you and I hope to think that I’ve left a positive impression on all of you. I try to be above all else nice to everyone unless they prove themselves a person that does not deserve to be nice to. I’ve got friends (every friend I have) that I will do and actually do anything and everything I possibly can for. I never ask for a thing and 99.9% of the time I’m smiling while I do it. Believe me, I don’t have much time at my disposal. I work 6 days a week so I can be a provider for my daughter. I only recently (November) starting getting any help from her mom even though we make about the same, and I asked for $240 a month to cover school lunch and after school program. To me it hurts even asking for so little help even knowing I paid several times that when I didn’t have custody without a second thought.

Obviously, I have picked the wrong hobby because if nothing else this one requires time. I do the best I can but I’m handed blow after blow every time I try to do better. For those of you who don’t know the intimate details I will elaborate. I got (with the help of a friend) a fish I really wanted about a year ago. We will just say not a cheap one but it was a dream fish so I got it. I had said fish for 3 weeks and everything was great, I bought another fish that only lived a couple days and going by symptoms was a cyanide fish. Well dream fish gets same symptoms 2 days later and dies. Followed by almost every fish in the system. I buy second dream fish a few months later as well as some other nice ones and some staples (eg. Achilles, emperor etc). Things are great a couple months goes by and family comes to stay with me for Christmas to help watch child and visit. Family has beginning stages (very early) of dementia combined with OCD and decided to clean house with excessive amounts of pinesol and windex (purchased by them not in house) while I’m at work and 2k lost in 1 day due to ridiculous ammonia spike. Somewhere in between there is a sps and 50% LPS tank crash that I still have no idea about and probably another few K in the trash.

At this time a few of my closer friends (reefers) keep me from just walking away. I get the new system up and running get fish in it and running more through QT because I’m trying to do the ich-less system. In QT I lose 2 large regals one mine and one replacement from a friend. Then this week in qt I lose blue jaw and yellow tang. I’m sad but as always I take my licks and keep going. Then there is today. I came home to find my 40 gallon qt system lost 3-4 gallons of water to evaporation in one day resulting in copper levels at almost .8. Well 2 yellow tangs, the female blue jaw and a black tang all died today combined with a mystery wrasse that wanted a better look outside the tank yesterday.

At what point do we call it quits? I’m like John Hammond from Jurassic park I get the best equipment I can but in the end it’s the same result. I’ve put 10k in the trash can in the last year and have come to the realization that I can’t have anything nice. So where do I go from here? Chromis and Rastas? Do I hang it up just go to bed at a normal hour instead?

I really really hate to be that guy but is this it? I’ve always lived my life on the golden rule and the belief that you get what you put in, but I assure you that’s not what’s happening.

If this is inappropriate or in the wrong place please move it, delete it I don’t even care anymore I just wanted to know if I’m the only one the reef life gods hate
 
Man, you're breaking my heart bro. You're seriously the nicest sob I've met in this hobby and consider you a great friend. You are generous almost to a fault... giving of your time and resources to others in such a selfless manner. It's been an inspiration to me. It is a big part of why I give so much away to others and to the club. I'm simply paying forward your initial and continued deposit of generosity and kindness. For those of you that don't know Sean... you would be blessed to know this guy, he has helped a countless number of fellow reefers with their tank issues and has shared so much coral and knowledge its mind boggling.

As you know, you are welcome to anything in my tanks that you want. That's no lie. So stick with it, believe in yourself and know that it'll work out and all be worth it... When you're ready for the corals we'll get you hooked up. Your only fault that I see is that sometimes you are impatient... particularly with fish. Please slow it down a bit especially with the crazy expensive fish. Keep it simple... get those beautiful fish in that amazing display and slap on a massive uv.

It's truly not fair that everything that could go wrong for you has gone wrong. I feel for you brother. I will commiserate with you a bit... My first tank 14 years ago... everything I threw in there just grew without a problem. I didn't QT, I rarely even dipped corals... I just threw them in and had an amazing tank with 30+ rare wrasses and a ton of amazing corals. This time around... I've learned from sooo many mistakes. For example, I love nems but I've killed so many nems it breaks my heart to think of it. 2 CSBs, 2 black widows, 1 lemon drop and many more. I once re-calibrated my refractometer incorrectly and dropped my salinity to 1.017... killing almost all my coral. I had a bad test kit and ended up spiking my nitrates to 600, I lost about 25% of everything. I have a coral QT and still manage to get irritating lil buggers in the display and frag. I was new to LEDs and cooked most of my corals at one point. I've bought corals for more money than I care to disclose... only to see them melt :(. So yah the reef gods hate me too... Just when things are going great, something else pops up. I've gotten to the point that I've name my tank MF as in "MF what's wrong with you now?"... Through it all though... we persevere... as its an addiction and a way of life and so much more to me than a simple hobby. I keep going... because I believe that you only fail at something if you quit. I'm no quitter and I know you aren't either.
 
I think we can all can relate to some degree; it's definitely a hobby of perseverance. The ocean is massive and we are trying to replicate that in a small clear box; success is not going to look the same. But even in the ocean, things go wrong.

If you are really at the point of throwing the in the towel, I will leave you with a few things to consider:

1) Evaluate your source for fish.
2) Look for fish that have been in a store longer.
3) Maybe a large aquarium doesn't fit your lifestyle. Consider downsizing and going with smaller varieties of fish.
4) If it is possible that your family will be coming to clean again, maybe there is a better place in your home for the aquarium that could be locked while you are away.
 
A lot of us have been where you are man . I hate it for you. Keep in mind we are trying to keep a box of ocean in our homes and that in itself comes with endless challenges. I am on my third round of tanks and decided to go small (29gal.) For the exact reasons your describing. Unfortunately it's a love hate relationship at times . Just know your not the only one.

I just bought a manderian for my wife last sat , Monday it decided it was a flying fish and I found it stuck to the floor . Granted not 10k$ but same scenario. Maybe time to revaluate your investment in the hobby or change your approach.

Good thing is you have a pretty good support group here . Let me know if you need anything as well.
 
Man I hated reading this. You were probably the first person in the club I bought coral from. Lol- it was Rastas and I was so pumped when you sold them to me. Of course I would be discouraged with all the money, effort, and time you have invested if it seemed like it was always in vain. You’ve always been generous with your time as well and there’s not a lot of people that give their time to the club freely like you do. I know that if you throw that towel in, you’ll be missed. I’m not an expert to give any advise, but with my tank I just keep things super simple and am satisfied with what a lot of people would consider “boring” corals and fish. My tank is still almost all softies and zoas. Maybe just grab a smaller tank and just go small for a couple years and life may look very different then. I know when my kids were smaller I had hardly any time to play guitar. Now they’re grown and I can fully enjoy the hobby again. I never totally gave it up...just scaled it back for a few years.

Btw. The ficus tree has grown almost two more feet!
 
Thank you everybody for the support and letting me know that I’m not alone. I’m not ready to throw the towel right now I almost was before but a few of you have already talked me off the ledge. I was more or less describing a frame of mind. My new system is up and running and I am steadily breaking down the frag system.

It makes me feel good that I have been fair enough with so many of you that you’re willing to help me restock. That was not the intent of my post but it is greatly appreciated.

Since I’m such a fan of movie quotes
This too shall pass
 
speaking of heavy loss:

i lost 3 purple tangs, 2 blonde naso, 3 or 4 powder blue, 2 male blue throat, 3 flame wrasse, 3-4 mccosker wrasse, 2 diamond goby, a number of anthias, and many more fishes in my QT setup last year due to one reason or another.

probably around 2k-3k in fish cost. of course, it's peanut compared to yours but i feel your pain
 
If you jump off the ledge, can I have your Red Sea tank?
 
If you jump off the ledge, can I have your Red Sea tank?

Hahahahaha sure

speaking of heavy loss:

probably around 2k-3k in fish cost. of course, it's peanut compared to yours but i feel your pain

Regardless of the cost it is still pretty much the same. I didn’t mean to sound like I was trying to top everybody. I shouldn’t have even mentioned values. Still, thanks Hui
 
I've had my loses, but nothing quite like many have listed here. I lost 3 cardinals to the filter pickup in the QT when I first started. Other than that all fish losses have been carpet surfers, probably 6 or so in the 1st two years. I've since put netting over the tanks. Through out my, not quite, three years in the hobby I tried to set everything up that I can to protect myself from myself. Redundancies wherever possible. I started with a 210 and if I went smaller I think I'd've lost a whole lot more. I've never used copper in QT and I know there's been ich in my system but everyone is healthy.

I'm in the process of getting my house ready to sell and I haven't had time to do a water change in three weeks now, coming from doing them weekly. The racks in the frag tank are covered in GHA. But I've been keeping up with adding carbon and trace. I'm really hoping to get a big change done tonight.

If I've got anything you want to help you get back started your welcome to it. Stop by sometime and have a look. Most of my coral has been doing pretty good and all the zoa's too.
 
Oh, and I'm really wanting a Trident too. ;)

It another thing to help save me from myself. I haven't tested in at least 2 weeks.
 
I feel your pain and frustration. I work full time and have 4 month old daughter so my time is limited. My tank was doing so well I spent thousands to stock up on SPS frags. Well.... Just in the past 2 months. I have lost my yellow tang, blue throat, Birdsnest colony, Disney Jr. sps mini colony, Orange Passion frag, bubblebath unicorn, TCK pikachu and countless other higher end SPS and LPS. Some of these were my lack of sleep and focus.... some just bad luck.. Others were a crazy algae bloom and cyano outbreak that I couldn't get under control for months. This hobby is trying and expensive even when everything is going well. I was in your shoes... teetering on the edge of selling off my system and taking a break from it. However, that goes against my personality of not giving up so whichever way you decide to look at it, wisely or foolishly, I decided to continue the fight and stay in the game. Keep your head up. Start the rebuild slow and steady and lean on the club as you have let others lean on you.
 
@trizzino that is a very good way to look at it and a very positive attitude. Disney Jr and unicorn are definitely on my list, they look amazing
 
I too have a very busy, over the top life and the only way for me to stay in the hobby, is for me to keep it as simple as possible. I am so sorry for your hard losses. I do think we have all had some and difinitely have lost lots of money over the years from losses. So we can all empithize. I actually did leave the hobby for several years but came back to it...like some have said....it is a bit addictive. My hats go off to all of you who go big in tank size, specialized equipment and difficult fish and corals. Hang in there. :)
 
I'm really new. Like first tank 6 months ago new. But in this time I have had everything die I put in the tank that was not in here when I got it. But seeing the love you guys have and the support you all are willing to give to see this hobby grow makes it all worth it. It may be right now, but once you get your tank or tanks from the sound of it back up and running you will get to love back for it. In the mean time keep your head up and if there is anything I can do to help let me know! I might not be able to do much more then move heavy things but it's the thought that counts right!
 
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