|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
|
|
||||||||||
| Register / Join the ARC | Community | Chat | Gallery | MemberMap | Forums | Search | Today's Posts | Mark Forums Read |
 |
10-18-2007, 9:14 PM
|
#1 |
|
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 325 City: Atlanta State: GA
|
Jokes
This is so gross I had to share:
A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Western Oklahoma. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?' The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best Okie manner says, 'Nah, go ahead.' Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.' |
|
|
10-19-2007, 11:04 AM
|
#5 | ||
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 766 City: Woodstock State: GA Occupation: IT Management Other Interests: Boating, Fishing
|
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? If you do not know, scroll down to see answer below. Get your drunk "behind" off the merry-go-round
__________________
...And that was the second time I got crabs. |
||
|
|
|
10-19-2007, 5:32 PM
|
#6 | ||
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 7,077 City: Powder Springs State: GA
|
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious. The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?" And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!" I had a picture to go with this that I saw the other day... when I tried to get it off the 'Net here at work, I got this message... Oh well... probably for the best.  |
||
|
|
|
10-19-2007, 6:04 PM
|
#7 |
|
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,288 City: Covington State: GA Occupation: Service Director Heyward Allen Motor Company Other Interests: keyboards, cooking, horses, family
|
A whole lot of years ago there was a bar called the Deptford Tavern in NJ. Every night after work (I was an F&I mgr) I would go to this tavern for my normal Manhattan. Now picture this guy in a suit and tie and everyone else is in jeans and silk shirts (early 80's).
Any rate..Its a thursday and it's "The worst Joke of The Night Contest". You get up, tell a joke and get a balloon with a GJ or BJ on it.(Good Joke or Bad Joke) So needless to say after a few Manhattans and a couple shots of tequila (cant do that anymore) I told 2 jokes, one Italian and one Polish. I get 2 ballons..one BJ and one GJ. Now after a wee bit Im in the bathroom doing what guys do best (the place is packed) and I hear behind me.."Funny Guy arent Ya" (true NJ voice)...I thought nothing of it since the place is so crowded and again I hear.."Funny Guy arent Ya?".......I turn around and theres this guy about 6'6 280 lbs, I look up and says it again "Funny guy arent ya...Heard you telling your jokes...I'm Polish and I dont like it!" Now here I am, suit and just a weeeeee bit smaller (and drunk)...So I say.."Look guy..I APOLOGIZE!!!!...I was just telling a joke..I even told an Italian joke and I'm a Dego".. "I am sooooo sorry" So I start to walk away........ He grabs my arm...Throws me against the wall and pulls out a RAZOR!!! Lucky for me me he has no place to plug it in........ wah wah wah.... |
|
|
|
10-19-2007, 7:51 PM
|
#10 | ||
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,603 City: Mt Dora State: Fl Occupation: Retired
|
Ok, a guy goes into a two seater outhouse. One seat is already taken and he goes to sit on the other. As he does so a quarter falls out of his pocket and drops into the hole. He stands back up looks down the hole, takes out his wallet, pulls out a $20 and throws it down the hole. The other guy says "what the heck did you do that for?" He answers, "you didn't think I'd go down there for a quarter did you?"
|
||
|
|
|
10-19-2007, 9:48 PM
|
#11 |
|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 263 City: Loganville State: GA
|
A man pulls up to a 4-way stop and slows just enough to look to the left, to the right and back to the left again before he drives thru the intersection.
He drives a bit further before he notices a patrol car following him with its lights on. He pulls over, and the patrol cars stops behind him. He rolls down his window as the officer reaches his car and says, "Afternoon, Officer. Why'd ya pull me over? I was only going the speed limit." "Yes, sir. But you failed to come to a complete stop back there at the stop sign". The man quickly replies, "But I slowed down and looked both ways. Nobody was coming. There wasn't any need for me to stop". Rolling his chin and fixing him with a cool stare. "Sir, the law requires you to come to a complete stop at all intersections marked with a stop sign. You failed to stop. I'll need to see your license, now". Flustered, the man blurts out, "But I slowed down. Nobody was coming! There wasn't any need to stop!! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?" "Step out of the vehicle, Sir" Increasingly agitated, the man complies and gets out of his car. The officer starts beating him with his night stick. "Now, Sir. Would you like me to slow down? Or would you like me to stop?" |
|
|
|
10-19-2007, 10:22 PM
|
#12 | |
|
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 218 City: Cumming State: ga Other Interests: Golf, Camping
|
Quote:
Where are you from. I grew up in Deptford Twp, NJ. |
|
|
|
|
10-20-2007, 12:11 AM
|
#15 |
|
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 325 City: Atlanta State: GA
|
This morning, I was in a huge hurry and I rear-ended a car at a stop light because I was not really paying attention. I had hot coffee in my lap and I was running late.
"Great, just great", I muttered. The driver opened his door........leaned out of his car and stared at me. He was a dwarf. He got out, studied the damage on his bumper, and walked towards me as I rolled down my window. He said, "I'm not happy"... To which I replied, "Well..... which one are you then?" |
|
|
|
10-20-2007, 10:05 PM
|
#16 | |
|
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 218 City: Cumming State: ga Other Interests: Golf, Camping
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
10-22-2007, 7:51 AM
|
#18 | |
|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 5,581 City: Rockmart State: GA Occupation: Video Game All-Star Other Interests: Movies and Video Games
|
Quote:
Okay..Good one Russ you got me..I was feeding into that..Now ppl at work are wanting to know why I died laughing at 7:00 am on a Monday.. I can give you a GJ balloon on that one.. |
|
|
|
|
10-22-2007, 7:58 AM
|
#19 |
|
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,288 City: Covington State: GA Occupation: Service Director Heyward Allen Motor Company Other Interests: keyboards, cooking, horses, family
|
Its funny when you tell that joke they get all into it, mostly because they dont think its a joke...Then when you hit them with the razor theres like a delay reaction....ty
|
|
|
 |
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 users and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
|
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2013, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd. Copyright ©2000 - 2013, Atlanta Reef Club, Inc. |
Linear Mode
